Pillbox

Everything you need to know

Dear Hoskins Brothers,

I just started dating this guy and I really like him, but I can’t help obsessing over the fact that he could break up with me at any moment. How do I get myself to start enjoying this relationship and stop fretting about the future?

—Forever afraid of rejection

Dear FEAR,

Take a moment to stop and ask yourself: Why do you feel this way? Has your boyfriend given you any reason to make you feel insecure? Is he flaky? Noncommittal? Uninterested? If the answer to these questions is yes, then you’re talking to the wrong person. You need to talk to your boyfriend. If he cares about you, he’ll do what he can to reassure you and show that he cares.

If you have no reason to feel this way, then you need to recognize that this is just paranoia. If you ever feel yourself getting worked up about it, stop and take a deep breath. Really take in your surroundings. Feel the air in your lungs, your boyfriend next to you, the fun you’re having with him. Take that moment and revel in it. You’re in a relationship and you’re both happy. You have no reason to fret.

Live in the moment,

—Patrick Hoskins

Dear Hoskins Brothers,

I’ve been seeing this guy who refuses to commit to me. He says he knows what he wants, but he avoids the subject of exclusivity. Is it wrong for me to feel annoyed? Should he be willing to commit?

—Sick of only liking one

Dear SOLO,

He may know what he wants, but the real question is: what do you want? It sounds to me like you want to be exclusive with him, meaning you need to sit down and hash this out. If he doesn’t want to commit, then you have two options: stick around and put up with him, or head for greener pastures. You can’t force him to be exclusive or to be in a relationship with you — his feelings are his own, and as valid as yours, and you have no right to change him. But if he wants to be with you, let him know that you need some measure of exclusivity. If this guy is the right fit for you, he’ll want to be with you. Think of your relationship as a glove: You can’t force your way into a glove that isn’t right for you. It’s no reason to be mad at the glove; that’s just how it is. Of course, if the glove keeps sliding off, that’s reason enough to be angry. Just remember: If the glove don’t fit, you can’t commit.

Talk it out,

—Brian Hoskins