Haikuscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

boy wizard and friend
want to hide in your bathroom
you become a newt

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

take the whole week off
eat your own weight in turkey
tryptophan coma

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

"try the fugu fish,"
he said that fateful evening
bad sashimi chef

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

easily we run
but cannot hide forever
your stalker finds you

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

take the high, hard road
you are rewarded with wealth
laugh at all the plebs

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

try not to flinch much
when the devil takes his due
he scares easily

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

cold northern wind blows
bringing a white Christmas so
you're trapped in your house

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

noxious gases come
you swear you didn't rip one
ruined interview

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

just like a spider
eat the next generation
not okay by them

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

go do your homework
for you, the CS student,
P/NP ain't shit

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

fields of nice flowers
swaying gently in the breeze
wake up, time for class

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

"eat all of your peas,"
your mother always told you
now you have green skin