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Outshine others with your witty costume

Finding the right costume for Halloween is rarely easy. In addition, there’s nothing worse than showing up to your party of choice, only to discover that at least 20 other people decided to show up as the Mad Hatter. (Honestly, potential Mad Hatters — do yourselves a favor and switch it up. That costume is as 2009 as it gets.)

Luckily, most people are not witty, which means that following this guide will have you making waves wherever you go to spend the evening. As they see you, your friends will likely say something along the lines of, “Wow, Jimmy, where did you get the inspiration for this sweet outfit?” Upon your mention that you discovered your costume in the campus newspaper, admirers of every kind will be immediately impressed enough to fawn over you for eternity. Everyone loves a well-read person.

1. “They Rapin’ Errybody Out Here”: Antoine Dodson

This costume is an emulation of one of this year’s most famous videos, in which Dodson makes a deep and powerful claim about the moral degeneration of the world around him. You, too, can suggest that people “hide yo kids” and “hide yo wife” just like Dodson with a mere red bandanna and a blue tank top.

Pull the bandanna over your hair in such a way that it fans out behind, tying it behind your ears; for bottoms, try a pair of loose jeans or cargo pants. The costume is a particularly simple setup and is easily recognizable.

Tip: This costume works well with both genders — “Antoinette” Dodson will do just as well.

2. Black Hat

What’s scarier than an overseas hacker trying to penetrate your system and dump malware in your site’s root? Nothing, that’s what. Charm scientific and well-read types with your one-of-a-kind costume by — you guessed it — wearing your favorite black hat of choice. This is the one time of the year when it is also appropriate to wear your XKCD or Penny Arcade shirt without it being considered faux pas. Sure, the CFA kids may look at you a little weirdly, but it’s all good — they just don’t get the joke. Accentuate this costume with a pair of dark shades to keep your identity anonymous.

Tip: This outfit can be easily customized to white hats, gray hats, and red hats if you’re a Linux fan.

3. Waldo or Wenda

Infuriate and enrage hundreds of your fellow holiday-goers as you don a white-and-red-striped hat, a red or white shirt, and jeans. They’ll be joking around with you, having the time of their lives, and turn away to say hello to a friend — only to discover that you are now missing. For the rest of the night they will seek you, knowing you’re right under their noses; however, their efforts will be in vain. To complete the perfect look, locate a pair of black thick-rimmed glasses (preferably round). Be prepared to get a few lame jokes from people who claim to have “found” you.

Tip: This costume is excellent for warding off stalkers. Just give them the slip; they’ll never locate you a second time.

4. “Whooooa, Double Rainbow”

If you’re the kind of person who’s easily pleased by the simple things in life, then the Double Rainbow Guy is your mask of choice for the night. For this costume, you’ll need a destroyable T-shirt, some permanent pens, and a camera — disposable or real. Use the permanent pens to draw the double rainbow on the front of your shirt, professing your deep love for all things rainbow-related through this act. After hanging the camera around your neck, you’re good to go; polish off the look with some hiking boots and shorts appropriate for a double rainbow hunter.

Tip: This outfit is an excellent way to have your camera out at all times and yet not look like the biggest nerd on the planet Earth.

5. Razzy Fresh

Anyone attending Carnegie Mellon knows that there is currently few food sources more popular than Razzy Fresh. Bring Craig Street (or Squirrel Hill, if you’re old school) to campus in style with a simple uni-colored skirt and colorful or fruity top; you’ll look sugary sweet in no time at all. Wear tights the same color as your skirt for the “fro yo” part — to hammer in the message, locate a fruity-patterned headband or make your own. Proceed to making jokes for the duration of the evening about how you’re “priced by the ounce” and “self-serve.” Insist angrily that [insert favorite flavor here] is the best flavor, and anyone who disagrees with you is a dirty lying scoundrel.

Tip: If you want to cheat, head up to Razzy Fresh and check out the shop’s line of logo shirts. You can then customize them as you see fit.

Most pieces for these costumes can be found in your own wardrobe or bummed off of friends. In the case that you can’t find the perfect piece, head to Avalon Exchange in Squirrel Hill or the seasonal costume shop down at the Waterfront. Both can be accessed by bus, and they offer unique pieces and gimmick clothing at affordable prices.

Overall, remember this age-old piece of wisdom: It’s not the costume that makes one witty — it’s the attitude of the person behind the clothing.