Everything you need to know
I have this really good friend of mine who’s just gone through a breakup. Unfortunately, she seems really caught up in it and it’s become the only thing we talk about these days. It’s come to a point that I just want to say “STFU,” but I know I shouldn’t because I really value our friendship and want to be there for her when she needs me as a friend. How can I forcefully say that while I feel her pain, I don’t think she’s benefiting from dwelling on it? She’s definitely the type of person who dwells on things rather than moving on. How can I tell her to stop thinking about it and return back to her normal friendly self?
—Painful Aftermath of Love
That’s a tough tightrope to walk — you want to be supportive of your friend, but after a while you get so sick of hearing the same thing over and over that you just want to tell her to get a grip on her life. You can try talking her out of it, but if she is the kind of person who dwells on things, then that approach just isn’t going to work.
In my experience, the best way to get out of a situation like this is to gently push your friend toward new experiences. Try getting her involved in activities that will take her mind off the breakup. Avoid conversations that could lead to a talk about her relationship. If she’s complaining about something that happened, help her figure out something to do or say. Make sure you always take a hard stance on self-pitying statements. If she ever pulls out the “I’ll be alone forever, nobody will ever love me again” card, point out to her both the absurd falseness of that statement and the fact that she’s a beautiful, strong woman who doesn’t need a stupid boy. I am sure that eventually you will have her back as the friend you always liked.
Love is a two-edged sword,
It’s the fall of my junior year, and my friends have started turning 21. Now, I would be celebrating, but my birthday isn’t until May! What am I supposed to do for the next eight months while pretty much everyone I like is bar-hopping?
—Sober in Skibo
First of all, if you’re going to be sober and sad, you shouldn’t do it in Skibo! It’s definitely not the most ideal place for it. The frozen yogurt might tempt you, but it’s best to take that order to go. More importantly, did you learn nothing from AlcoholEdu? If you can’t bear to be around friends that are mocking you with their drinking binges then get younger friends. Just realize that not being 21 is not a huge deal.
I am sure that there are other legal ways you can have fun. I personally recommend getting addicted to a TV show — they are really great to watch in a group and then discuss every single detail about them. You can also try and figure something out with your friends born after May.
I am sure that you will turn 21 in no time and be able to enjoy that Long Island Iced Tea. You can buy one for me, too.
Bide your time,
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