Pillbox

Everything you need to know

Dear Joe,

I have feelings for someone I work with. I want to tell him, but I don’t want to ruin the good relationship we have as co-workers. I can’t tell if he feels the same way because he is not usually very forthcoming with his thoughts and feelings. How do I let him know I like him without setting myself up to be embarrassed every time I see him when he tells me he’s not interested?

—Tentative in Tepper

Dear Tentative,

Try to remember the days of middle school, when we were all forced through peer pressure to confront whomever we had a crush on. Often times, we were rejected, or sometimes even called “gross” or “lame.” And when the rejection was over, we had to walk in the same hallways, take the same classes, and go to the same parties with the people who rejected us.

But we dealt with it, Tentative. That’s the risk we’re willing to bear when we take such chances. The same goes for you today. Sure, you’re bigger, but your question is tantamount to the sixth-grader asking if he should ask his dream girl to the dance. Luckily for you, extensive media has been published on this subject. Just take any movie ever targeted for a high school audience and you will see that the consensus of these films is to take the risk. Now the only problem you have to face is how to do it.

Listen, Tentative. This guy is your coworker. If you’re going to break the news, don’t let it happen in the office. Ask him to coffee. Even do it during a lunch break. Just ask him if he’s interested in meeting up again at a more personal time. If he says yes, then party right. If it’s a no, then just move forward. However, feel free to steal his stapler for mild retribution. The jerk was asking for it.

Godspeed,

—Joe

Dear Joe,

As a freshman living in the dorms, I’ve had to adjust to having a roommate for the first time. Most of the time it hasn’t been bad, but last week he happened to open the door while I was looking at a scandalous picture of my girlfriend on my computer. I was able to close it before he saw anything too juicy, but he saw enough to know that I do, in fact, have lewd photographs of my girlfriend. My roommate is a lonely CS major who can definitely hack through any sort of security system I put on my computer, but I also don’t want to delete the pictures, of course. What should I do?

—Double-clicking in Donner

Dear Double-clicking,

The idea of looking at naked pictures of your girlfriend already raises questions. Is this on the Internet? Did you take the pictures? If so, wouldn’t it be awkward for her posing for such a picture? It just seems a little odd, that’s all. Maybe you’ve successfully identified me as a traditionalist. If so, you could probably guess what I’m going to tell you.

Naked pictures have a rich history that existed well before the Internet. In fact, you can find naked pictures created before the printing press, or even hieroglyphics. With that said, why do you embark on such advanced methods just to catch a few quick peeks of your lady friend? My advice, Clicker, is to print out the pictures and delete those files. Laminate if you want longevity, and find a shoebox to store them in so your Keeper of the Linux friend doesn’t get to them.

Signing off,

—Joe