Everything you need to know

Dear Joe,

I am taking an introductory biology class and am having trouble staying awake. I’m not really interested in the subject, but if I want to do well at all, I need to take notes. How do I avoid sleeping in a class I couldn’t care less about?

—Dozing in Doherty

Dear Dozing,

Suffering the slingshots and arrows of outrageous classes is a rite of passage for any student at Carnegie Mellon. Classes not in one’s major can often prove to be the hardest, especially when they demand constant attention due to professors teaching outside of the textbook. This attention, however, sometimes seems impossible to give. Lectures often move too fast, leaving non-dedicated students in the dust. This begs the question: Is there any way around this? Fortunately, Dozing, the solution has existed for centuries. Try coffee: the fast, cheap, and moderately safe option for getting work done.

Coffee is delicious, helps beat the cold when walking in between classes, and even provides antioxidants for your immune system. Most importantly, coffee keeps you awake. There’s a reason that coffee is labeled as an intellectual drink. Without it, most scientific journals and novels simply wouldn’t exist. If there is one setback to coffee, it’s the jittery feeling that it sometimes delivers to novices and coffee abusers. With that said, try to make sure you only down coffee on a full stomach. Also, a small cup from La Prima in Wean Hall will do just fine to get you through biology class. When you feel like you’re about to sail into dreamland, sip your coffee, and let the magic happen. Just remember, keep your intake to only a few cups a day. When you start bringing 2 iters of espresso to class, it might be time to scale back.


Dear Joe,

I have recently participated in the EOC job fair, and things aren’t looking too good. Many companies are only hiring for one position out of over 100 applicants, while other companies aren’t even interested in my résumé. I thought Carnegie Mellon was my golden ticket to a job, but now it looks like I’m frying fish at Long John Silver’s until I find something appropriate for my degree. Were my four years a waste?

—Unemployed in The Underground

Dear Unemployed,

First off, working at Long John Silver’s is nothing to scoff at. Quality food and friendly service at an affordable price is something for which anyone can proudly work. But I can imagine that your major didn’t specialize in deep-frying, so it’s reasonable that you’re upset. Carnegie Mellon is renowned for getting students job offers. But remember, jobs are dependent on the economy, and there’s not much a university can do about that. It might be some time until the economy turns around. Until that day, all you can do is keep trying.

In between producing delicious batter-dipped fish sandwiches with malt vinegar, apply for more jobs. Even after you graduate, Carnegie Mellon can list for you companies that are hiring. Make sure to apply to many places. Strength comes in numbers, Unemployed. Just look at the value of the mound of fried clams you can get for under a dollar at your neighborhood Long John Silver’s. All in all, keep in mind that your degree proclaims that you put in your part here at Carnegie Mellon. When the job scene finally clears up, I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunities. As for now, you have bigger fish to fry.