Compubookie predicts 2008 buggy results for men’s and women’s teams

Sports

Editor’s Note: Compubookie is a highly sophisticated betting robot that has been predicting Buggy results since 1974. He is in no way affiliated with the Tartan sports staff. We just print this stuff.

Greetings campus community and buggy enthusiasts alike. With only a week until the races, I’m sure you are all anxious to hear the top picks and expert analysis for 2008. Although the lack of free rolls in the spring leaves me with less to go on, the competitive organizations have once again come out rolling fast and training hard.

Starting with the women: With strong sorority participation for several of the top dogs, expect to see close competition and perhaps another chair throwing incident at awards as well. Speaking of DG, look for its co-op to boost KDR A into the top five.

Coming in fourth will be the women of SPIRIT A, assuming the red tape doesn’t jam up their pneumatics too badly. Look for PiKA A and Fringe A to finish strong, but the trophy will not be given back this year. Sorry girls, but SDC A will once again be too fast not to come out on top. The team may just be racing the clock.

On to the Men: Look for another three-horse race this year between Fringe, PiKA, and SDC — but let's start with some of the less impressive organizations. Look for Sig Ep to place in the top 10 this year, but not by rolling its new experiment of a buggy. Finishing slightly quicker will be a fast-rolling buggy of SDC B, assuming the A team doesn’t have to push the B team buggy on day two. As usual, SPIRIT A will make the top 10, but will still be out of reach of the top five. KDR, if the competitors can figure out how to use their new wheels, will finish under 2:15 — talk to Fringe about that one guys.

Since I have nothing good to say about Sig Nu, I’ll just get on to the top 5. We will see a good showing from the B teams of both PiKA and Fringe. Their experience and depth will place these teams in fourth and fifth respectively.

Now for the good stuff: Fringe, SDC, and PiKA have all proven that they can cruise through the free roll this year, despite the absence of mini-raceday. SDC returns to the course with some repeat pushers for a change, a clear advantage for them. But what is that awful rattling noise your buggy has been making? Look for the men of SDC A to take third in this one with a respectable sub-2:10 time.

So who takes the cup at the end of day two? The men of PiKA will come out this year looking to break a record set decades ago by winning for a seventh consecutive year. If that isn’t motivation to win a race, I don’t know what is. Fringe can’t be ruled out, however. Coming to the course with a team full of Betas and pushing the fastest buggy on the course, expect a new organization record for Fringe. We all saw how the football player experiment worked out for SDC last year, so, sorry Fringe, but this year I have to bet on the organization with the winning record. Although you may prove me wrong, I predict another win for PiKA A.

Expect times to be very fast this year, not because of the course, but because of the competition. This year’s race will be a good one to watch. That’s all I have for this year. Good luck to all the teams. I’m sure I will see you out there. Don’t expect to see me.

—Compubookie

Buggy Predictions

Women
1. SDC A
2. PiKA A
3. Fringe A
4. SPIRIT A
5. KDR A
6. Sig Nu A

Men
1. PiKA A
2. Fringe A
3. SDC A
4. PiKA B
5. Fringe B
6. KDR A
7. Sig Nu
8. SPIRIT A
9. SDC B
10. Sig Ep A

The Field
• AEPi — Too cheap to build a real buggy.
• CIA — Your Mohawk is more aerodynamic than your buggy.
• Fringe — Maybe you’ll prove me wrong.
• KDR — Who have you been in bed with more, DG or Fringe?
• Phi Kap — You haven’t won since Nixon was in office.
• PiKA — “Visit us at [SLANT]www.pikabuggy.com[SLANT].”
• Pioneers — Sweepstakes is a one-day event for you, isn’t it?
• SDC — Maybe this year your buggy hopes won’t fall flat on their face.
• Sig Ep — Maybe your Messiah will come next year.
• Sig Nu — Too stoned to build, too stoned to push.
• SPIRIT — How disappointed are your alumni?

11 comments | Post a Comment
Staff_comment McCue
Apr 20, 2008 at 08:37 AM

I hate you so much hippie.

Staff_comment McCue
Apr 16, 2008 at 08:47 AM

I like hippies dick.

Staff_comment M.C. Rackin
Apr 16, 2008 at 06:25 AM

You disappoint me.

Tomorrow's tomorrow, we'll see who pushes the buggy up the hill the fastest, but that's not nearly as important as actually winning.

I will definitely not not not be sober.

Staff_comment Ultrabookie
Apr 16, 2008 at 05:15 AM

Can you guys please reformat the article not like retards?

No, goto hell

Also I rule and everyone else sucks.
No you don't, goto hell

In rating the humor of your "zingers," I would put them somewhere between Schindler's List and cancer.

Jokes on you, Shindlers List was hilarious and cancer is number two on the top 100 funniest diseases [citation needed], goto hell

Staff_comment McCue
Apr 15, 2008 at 07:53 PM

Can you guys please reformat the article not like retards?

Also I rule and everyone else sucks. Especially Ultrabookie. In rating the humor of your "zingers," I would put them somewhere between Schindler's List and cancer.

Staff_comment Ultrabookie
Apr 15, 2008 at 09:11 AM

Ultrabookies Zingers:

AEPi — 1985 Buggy - Recent Body work...FRESH PAINT!!!! - never assume it's a new buggy without a carfax vehicle history report
CIA — Atleast you won't be going fast enough to spin...
Fringe — Always a bridesmade never a bride
KDR — KDR + Sam Swift = 5th place
Phi Kap — Just cause your buggies look like pika's doesn't mean they'll roll like pika's
PiKA — You're gonna win again? That was so last year (and the year before that, and the year before that, and the year before that, and the year before that)
Pioneers — Your logo is so 80s...just like your buggies
SDC — Can't win...even with the fly wheel
Sig Ep — Balanced men can't balance wheels?
Sig Nu — Faster than a speeding bullet (5th Place SigNu, 6th Place Speeding Bullet)
SPIRIT — All signs point to remaining undefeated in the post sweepstakes dance competition

Staff_comment leRoy Jenkums
Apr 15, 2008 at 07:22 AM

Please stay on topic. This thread is for discussing the White Rose Spring Formal only.

Staff_comment Rockford White
Apr 15, 2008 at 06:24 AM

Compubookie is a robot...it doesn't understand your primitive complaints...jackass

Staff_comment Lance
Apr 15, 2008 at 06:24 AM

What? People are using drugs at the zoo? This is an outrage!

Pusher, Sigma Nu Hill 1-A, 1980
Pusher, 3rd floor warm dorm, 1980

Staff_comment Jerome Combes-Knoke
Apr 15, 2008 at 06:06 AM

too stoned for a good reply, nice one compubookie high five

Staff_comment Jerome Combes-Knoke
Apr 14, 2008 at 11:25 AM

Dear Compubookie,

Although we do not have as many “track stars” and underweight drivers as other top teams, our mechanics team remains best in class and continues a long tradition of innovation in buggy technology. It is a regret that our new buggy was not completed in time for this year’s races, but I fully expect our old buggies to put up very competitive downhill times.

Moreover I would like to point out that SigNu’s alliance with Kappa Kappa Gamma has given us some great women’s pushers (most of whom are CMU varsity athletes).

Regarding our our men’s team, your “too stoned to push” comment is entirely baseless. Anyone familiar with our organization knows none of our A team pushers smoke. All pushers (and even most mechanics) have been on “sober season” in preparation for races.

I really look foward to this years races, and I want you to know that in past years I have been a big fan of your witty humor and keen insight, but I was very disappointed with this year’s crass generalizations and clear lack of research.

Pusher, Sigma Nu Hill 1-A.

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