Everything you need to know

Dear Rachael,

I was drunk, and I met a guy. And he was nice, and all. But what happens on drunken escapades stays there, right? Apparently, I was wrong. Now, he won’t stop calling and texting me, despite my obvious efforts to ignore him — by say, not picking up my phone, or ignoring his text messages. And every time I try to make it seem like I’m not the girl for him — by say, telling him that I’m a vegetarian lesbian with two kids and a baby-daddy back home — he accepts it and thinks it’s okay. Really, I should be flattered, but instead I’m annoyed. It’s rude to try to make a relationship out of a little drunk making out, right? Tell me what to do before I lose my mind.

—Dangerously Disgruntled Dandy

G’day Triple D,

Quite obviously, the problem here is that this character is more interested in you than you are in him. Which tends to happen when you’re a hot piece. So congratulations on that.

But you know that thing, honesty? It’s pretty dandy, a lot like yourself. Of course, it’s easier to be honest with people you absolutely hate, or with people who aren’t as nice to you as he is, but all that doesn’t matter. Because the truth, see, it will set you free. Not free from your impending college debts, but free from this whole charade. Say to this fellow that you’re sure you had a good time despite your inebriation, but drunken hook ups are not meant to be taken seriously. He’s a nice little (or big?) thing, really, but he’s just not for you. And seriously, say that you don’t know how far he’s going to get in life with the clinging on, because it’s super annoying. Or you could always ask him for a little space and then never get back to him. It’s up to you, really.

Give ’em hell!


Dear Rachael,

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine from back home named Jill called me, as she usually does. I used to enjoy hanging out with Jill during breaks from school. We’d have a great time, and generally laugh at the people around us. We didn’t really like those people, whoever they were, and so a majority of our time was spent feeding our respective superiority complexes and being giant bitches. That’s all well and good, but sometime in the past six months, Jill turned into the worst person on the planet. How do I tell her that she’s being a she-devil and that our mutual friends can’t stand her anymore?

—Ain’t Too Proud to Bitch

Hey there, None Too Proud,

I think I like you. You keep it real, and you should continue to do that by being blunt with your semi-ex-friend, and giving her as much harsh reality as you possibly can. Because seriously, she needs it. If she’s already used to you being, by your definition, a giant bitch, then she can’t really get offended by you giving her hell for what and who she has become. Because that’s who you are, and she knows that.

Or you could just laugh at her, like the two of you laughed at the people around you. Maybe then she’ll realize that you don’t like her anymore and she’ll either change or ... well, not change. So I’d say take action! Let her know. Keep it real. She may not thank you for it, but you’ll thank yourself. Savvy?

Keep on keepin’ on!