Pillbox

Everything you need to know

Dear Janet,

I don’t really have people on the weekends to go out with ... a lot of the people I hang out with during the week are busy on weekend nights. So weekends kind of suck. I want to pick up some girls but I don’t really feel like drinking and I don’t know where else to go. I’m really not good at picking up women. I’m really bad at that pivotal step, you know, the one where you make a move.

—A Lame Opening’s Never Enough

Dear ALONE,

See, here’s where I think you’re making your biggest mistake: I don’t know that many people go out to bars for the express purpose of being picked up. Oh, it might happen as a random byproduct, but people don’t tend to venture singly to bars. They go in groups, which makes finding people who are single and available quite difficult, especially for people in your situation, without a dedicated group of friends to go out with on the weekend.

Why do you keep going to bars? Find a hobby! The best place to meet girls is the places you already go, or doing the things that you already enjoy. Meeting someone is less about “making a move” and more about starting a conversation. Just start talking about something; be friendly. Even if you’re just at the grocery store, getting the conversation started is about 60 percent of the battle (another 30 percent is getting her number, and the remaining 10 percent is not embarrassing yourself during the actual conversation). Once you’re talking, stay alert to any relationship status clues and whether she seems to be digging you or not. Then go for it!

Here’s my rationale when it comes to situations like this. Generally, you can tell at least if someone finds you somewhat interesting and/or attractive. If you genuinely feel there’s a connection and you’d like to see them again, what do you have to lose? As long as it’s not someone you work with, the absolute worst thing that could happen is you ask for her number and she says no. However, the best case is that you’ll fall in love, have lots of hot crazy sex, get married, and live happily ever after, which is nothing to sneeze at. So hop to it, OK? You’ve got to date a few that aren’t perfect before you find one that is.

—Janet