Warm weather ushers in skanky clothing and PDA in the clusters

Editorials featured in the Forum section are solely the opinions of their individual authors.

I can’t say that Pittsburgh weather hasn’t been gracious as of late. There has been a string of days with 60° to 70° temperatures without snow in between, and for that, I am a little bit thankful. But otherwise I am pretty unenthusiastic about the consequences of such warm weather. In fact, I’m irritated. Is Carnegie Mellon the same school after that vernal equinox thing?

Sure, I’ll admit that the newfound springtime social atmosphere surrounding me is a little tempting. (But just a little.) I think I’ve had roughly 60 percent less awkward encounters since the sun came out. In the very first months of the fall semester, and the very last months of the spring semester, everyone here is overflowing with social endeavors. Their ability to socialize goes up, while their aptitude for awkwardness goes down quite a bit. Can you imagine what CMU would be like if more months were like this? People would be socially refined instead of socially awkward! Wouldn’t that be an unusual sight?

And yet, the spring weather still promises some levels of absurdity. For example: People really don’t know what to wear in this weather. Someone gets excited because it’s a little over 50°, and then they are just about wearing a bathing suit to class. Things like this make me nervous. I worry about the sanity of my peers. If people aren’t wearing bikinis and swim trunks, they are wearing a winter jacket when it’s 70°. It really isn’t that hard to be prepared for the weather, especially when you can look up the daily forecast on the Internet.

This 70° weather does not mean that skanky clothes are acceptable. Skanky clothes are really only acceptable at night, in dark rooms. And dark room or not, I really don’t want to see your ass. I’ve seen about three flashes of gluteus maximus since the onset of warm weather. It isn’t particularly attractive when celebrities let body parts slip out and land their privates on the front of a trashy magazine, so you should know it isn’t acceptable when you do it. Especially when I have to see it. I may not be known to be particularly lady-like, but I certainly don’t flash my humps to passers-by on my way to class. Even when I’m feeling generous.

I can sympathize — I understand that Pittsburgh is not the easiest place to adjust to, temperature-wise. The weather is bipolar here. Pittsburgh has its own weather system because we’re stuck in this valley. For all I know, everything outside of the valley, and over the mountains (and across the river, and through the forest) could be wonderful. People might know how to wear weather-appropriate clothes there because they aren’t confused by the inconsistencies between the seasons. I understand that warm weather is really exciting and you want to break out the clothes you haven’t worn since August, but I don’t think a little modesty — or knowledge of what temperature it will be on a certain day — is too much to ask.

Maybe the warm weather has such drastic effects on students because Pittsburgh is one of the most depressed cities in the United States. In fact, it’s number 67 — which isn’t awful, but is still bad enough, especially when you consider how many cities there are in America. So when the snow melts, the sun shines, and rabbits and squirrels come out to play (ok, not really), people get a little too happy. Students’ moods are drastically lifted, and people smile like they don’t know what smiling is. Which brings me to my next complaint about warm weather: It gets people’s hormones going. All over the place.

I recently witnessed some fugs making out in a computer cluster. Have some respect! The cluster is a place for peace and procrastination, not the swapping of dangerous germs via foaming mouths. Someone could get hurt! And if no liquids are allowed in clusters, don’t you think it would be safer if you dismounted your (somewhat) significant other? It’s better for us all if you bring down your estrogen levels, or your testosterone levels, or whatever is making you so excited. Also, you should probably get a room.

After I witnessed the unsightly make-out session in the cluster, I saw a bunch of prospective students going on a campus tour. These kids come to visit Carnegie Mellon and get a false perspective on what the university is like. They come here and see the sun shining, students laughing and playing Frisbee on the Cut, Walking to the Sky glistening, etc. Don’t you think that’s false advertising? Prospective students need to see the hard winter nights at the library, the sleep-deprived corpses stumbling around the Cut, and two gigantic snowballs placed strategically in front of Walking to the Sky. What about those fun times? Why doesn’t Admissions offer tours for them? I actually prefer those somber times. Everyone smiling and holding hands and giggling makes me more than nauseous.

It is amazing how different this whole campus is from November through February. Random people don’t swap spit in clusters, for example, in the winter. People don’t flash their body parts in the winter. (Well, maybe at frat parties, but not while I’m crossing Forbes or when I’m sitting outside of the library.) If I’m a cynic for preferring the winter months, so be it — they are less visually offensive.

Though I am grateful for the recent warm weather, I don’t appreciate its effects on CMU’s population. Besides, I don’t know how to handle Carnegie Mellon when it isn’t filled with awkward people. Cold, horrible months, please come back.