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I have a really good friend from high school who just got engaged this summer. Normally that would not be a problem, but we are only eighteen! It seems to me she just likes the idea of getting married, and I am worried that if she marries this guy it won’t last. What can I say to her to convince her to wait a while?
-So Concerned About Really Eager Darling
What’s most important is that you communicate your concerns in the most non-confrontational way possible. Ask her if she’s sure she wants to get married this young, and tell her that you’re concerned that she might not be marrying for the right reasons. Make sure that you treat it as a conversation rather than a rant. Make it clear that you’re concerned about the concept of her getting married, not that you hate her fiancé.
A thought: Maybe your friend really does just want to get married. We all know someone who went to college to get her M.R.S., and if your friend does seem really excited about her choice, you’ll have to accept it.
My girlfriend and I really hit it off, great chemistry physically and emotionally. I’m just worried that taste-wise we might be too different. She’s kind of a jock and I don’t take sports seriously. She’s conservative, I’m liberal. She listens to the Dixie Chicks, I listen to Fugazi. I mean, right now we kid each other about these differences, but do you think this might end up being a problem later on down the line?
-Attracted To an Offbeat, Diverse, and Different Soul
Dear AT ODDS,
Things like liking the same music and playing the same sports are the most important at the beginning of a relationship. Once you’re established, the emotional compatibility becomes far more important, and you grow to find things you agree on. But as long as you enjoy your time together and feel secure in the relationship beyond this issue, there’s no reason that a punk and a jock chick can’t hold hands, run into the sunset, and be happy together forever. Just don’t expect her to follow you into the mosh pit.