Wednesday 9/27
South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut
8 10 12

“Hey, you hear that? Sounds like a giraffe’s dying over there!” The South Park movie is a classic — just the thing to make your Wednesday night a little more awesome. Join AB Films as they whisk you back to a simpler time, when Chef cared more about chocolate salty balls than Dianetics. The difference between the movie and catching reruns on Comedy Central? Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman watch an R-rated movie, become (more?) corrupted, and their parents urge the U.S. to wage war on our great white neighbor to the north. Two words: Blame Canada.

Thursday 9/28
Last Life in the Universe
7:30 10 12:30

Having trouble relating to your new roomie? Just can’t find that common ground between a Trogdor-lovin’ CS major and an Umberto-Eco-worshipping English nerd? In Last Life in the Universe, life throws together a quiet, obsessive-compulsive Japanese librarian and a spunky Thai “escort.” Do hijinks ensue? I don’t really know. But the message board trolls on IMDb seem to think it’s worth watching. Take that roommate of yours and go find out.

Friday 9/29
The Mighty Ducks
10 12

Ooooh, flashback to the ’90s. It may be airing on the Disney Channel all the time, but are you really going to miss out on another chance to see that ragtag hockey team overcoming all odds in order to become the coolest kids in Minnesota? I don’t think so. And if that isn’t enough for you, remember how cute Pacey Witter and Cake-eater were? And remember that lukewarm romance between Emilio Estevez and Charlie’s mom? And how Hans just owned at life? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Quack.

Saturday 9/30
United 93
8 10 12

It was five years ago. We know how it went down, but here it is again, despite much criticism about its timing. Granted, this movie didn’t cause the stir that World Trade Center did, but with its smaller scale and lack of Oliver Stone’s influence, many say it’s a better movie. Unlike WTC, which followed two police officers turned rescuers, United 93 tells the story of heroism in ordinary indivudals. Once Todd Beamer (David Alan Basche) utters the infamous words “let’s roll,” you’ll be hooked.

Sunday 10/1
All the Real Girls
7:30 10 12:30

Classic story. Girl comes back from boarding school. Girl meets her brother’s hot friend. Hot friend turns out to be something of a playa. Here’s what you need to know: First of all, Zooey Deschanel is an amazing actress, and even more likeable after her stint as William’s older sister in Almost Famous. Second, Matt Chapman, of Homestar Runner fame, plays a character named Strong Bad. Finally, All the Real Girls is supposedly slowly paced and has very little action. If you really want a scenic view of Asheville, N.C., see the movie. If you’re a little impatient when it comes to that sort of thing, go finish that homework you’ve been putting off all weekend.