Pillbox

Dating a [stereotype]

David Letterman may have trimmed Big Ben’s beard, but he’s got nothing on me for coming up with lists. This guide will tell you what to expect if you’re one of the lucky few to find love at Carnegie Mellon (...or Pitt).

Top Five Ways to Tell You’re Dating a Pitt Kid
5. They cancel your date because they have a review session in “The Big Penis.”
4. They skip your anniversary date for beer pong.
3. They wear UPitt Basketball sweat pants. To job interviews.
2. They think it’s funny to tell you to meet them on the corner of Fifth and Forbes.
1. They ask you to a date/riot at the ‘O’.

Top Five Ways to Tell You’re Dating a Carnegie Mellon Kid
5. They cancel your lunch date because they have a review session. For CSW.
4. They skip your anniversary date for Dungeons and Dragons.
3. They wear a cape. To shower.
2. They think it’s funny to call people noobs.
1. They ask you to a date/sensationalized news story at TBA.

Top Five Ways to Tell You’re Dating an Archie
5. For Christmas, they give you a model of Maggie Mo made of toothpaste caps.
4. Christmas is the first time you’ve seen them all year. Yes, since January.
3. They rearrange your food at lunch. It resembles the Borofsky sculpture.
2. They cannot decide if you or the Sydney Opera House turns them on more.
1. They cannot decide if you or the prospect of sleep turns them on more.

Top Five Ways to Tell You’re Dating a CS Major
5. For Christmas, they give you a microchip made of wire from their braces.
4. Christmas is the first time they have not worn shorts this year.
3. They rearrange your food at lunch. It resembles Bill Gates.
2. They cannot decide if you or Codewarrior turns them on more.
1. They cannot decide if you or a text-based role-playing game turns them on more.

Okay, QUICKIES!

You might be dating Jared Cohon if:
He puts you on a committee to decide if he’s a good boyfriend.

You might be dating Borofsky if:
He puts you on a giant pole. And he won’t even let you dance around it.

You might be dating the Editor-in-Chief of The Tartan if:
He says your love letters aren’t newsworthy.

You might be dating a bio kid if:
They ask if you can reproduce asexually.

You might be dating a MechE kid if:
They steal your copy of The White Album for the wheels on their car project.

You might be dating a business major if:
They hand their résumé to the manager at every restaurant you go to.

You might be dating a drama kid if:
You can’t tell they’re insincere when they say “I love you.”

You might be dating a creative writing kid if:
They tell you that your life story needs a clearer “sense of conflict.”

You might be dating an art kid if:
They tell you they couldn’t find you in Doherty because upstairs from the first floor was actually the second floor.

You might be dating a design kid if:
You are a design kid.