Aries (March 21 ? April 19): Your sign is supposed to be argumentative, but you may have taken it too far. When?s the last time you talked to your girlfriend? And who?s that kid you?ve seen her holding hands with?
Taurus (April 20 ? May 20): Don?t bother doing your laundry. No machine can get that stench out.
Gemini (May 21 ? June 21): How do you like living in CatMan so far? It seems pretty nice besides the lead paint and pipes, old decrepit furniture, and clogged drains. Just watch out. You never know when your ceiling could collapse.
Cancer (June 22 ? July 22): Have your roommates asked why you have a crystal-growing kit yet?
Leo (July 23 ? August 22): The dark blue mold growing at the bottom of your kitchen wastebasket cannot be a good thing. Do something about it. And don?t just leave it for your roommate.
Virgo (August 23 ? September 22): The combination of Saturn and Venus co-existing in your house and the Moon swinging into a 90-degree lock with Jupiter can only mean one thing for you: Don?t eat the roast beef. Or the bleu cheese. Or that fruitcake that?s been in the fridge since last Christmas.
Libra (September 23 ? October 23): Nice job. Drooling all over the desk on the first day probably really impressed your professor.
Scorpio (October 24 ? November 21): No, changing your phone number several times and moving out of state will not make Blockbuster lose interest in the hundreds of dollars you owe them. Just how many movies did you lose?
Sagittarius (November 22 ? December 21): You can do no wrong early in this week -? everything?s going your way! But mid-week it?ll all end. Enjoy the elation while it lasts.
Capricorn (December 22 ? January 19): This week people with your sign will be extra lucky with love. So go on, swoon over that special someone with something special.
Aquarius (January 20 ? February 18): There?s a strong chance that you will become much closer to someone this weekend. That may or may not be taken literally. It may or may not be romantic.
Pisces (February 19 ? March 20): Learn to dance. You?ll pick up all the hot ladies. Well, at the very least, ladies.