$ Movie

High Fidelity
(Wednesday 7:30, 10, and 12:30)

John Cusack is a record store owner who is in the middle of a bad breakup with his girlfriend. He deals with this by trying to find out why he is so bad at relationships. And he?s suffering from a bit of denial. He also listens to a lot of music with his clerks (one of whom is Jack Black) and fights about the minute details of it. This movie should be more about Black and his love for rock than Cusack and his love for self-hatred. Then again, tons of people like this movie and they?ll get mad at me if I don?t say it?s great.

Coffee and Cigarettes
(Thursday, 8, 10, and 12)

With a title like that, it had better be an artsy film. In that respect, it does not disappoint. Rather than one story, you get 11 vignettes, each involving coffee and cigarettes. What brilliance. Also, it is rated R for language. I?m impressed: I can?t imagine how much bad language you?d need now to get an R for it. Maybe they curse in different languages, simultaneously.

Around the World in 80 Days
(Friday, 8, 10, and 12)

I read this book over the summer. Oh, it?s not a book? It?s a movie starring Jackie Chan? Rather than making an interesting movie faithful to the story, they rewrite the main character and make him Jackie Chan. I do not want a ?zany? Phileas Fogg. I don?t want an anachronistic airplane that looks like something out an acid flashback. I assume that they do go around the world in 80 days still, though they probably changed that, too.

Shrek 2
(Saturday, 6, 8, 10, and 12)

You might have noticed how Hollywood is having trouble coming up with original ideas for movies. Shrek was just about as original as it gets nowadays, so of course, when it was successful, they had to come up with a sequel. In doing so, they came up with a movie that nearly matches the humor of the first. Starting on a sour note with the sort of toilet humor that Mike Myers has become known for, the storyline makes up for it by the end.

Mean Girls
(Sunday, 8, 10, and 12)

So, this movie is about cliquey girls who are just like the people from your high school. They act mean to one another because one of them goes out with another?s ex-boyfriend. With the perspective that your time at college has given you, you?ll see how silly it was to be upset about such trivial problems. That, or this movie will trigger some of your deep-seated neuroses, causing you to sink into depression and spend your days and nights imagining what prom would have been like had you gone.